Peer Pressure Pregnancy

WARNING: This post goes deep into my personal thoughts (more than usual). Enter at your own risk!

If you're a female, you've thought about children your whole life. We're conditioned to by the time we've celebrated our first birthday. When we were babies, we took care of baby dolls. When we were a bit older, we took care of younger siblings (unless you're me). When we hit our teenage years, we started babysitting or working at the nursery at church. Being a female correlates with taking care of children. And that's okay.

But you know what's not okay? This peer pressure that everyone feels about having children. I'm 19 years old, unmarried, and I've been asked since I was 15 how many children I want and how old I want to be when I have them. The questions get more frequent the older you get and especially the second you are married. My default answer to these questions was, "No more than three! And I want to be at least, like, 27." That alone raised some eyebrows. 27? How old!

Let me raise some more eyebrows.

I have come to realize this past semester that I do not want children. None.

Do you know how hard that has been to accept? I thought something was wrong with me. I feel so much pressure from my future in-laws, parents, siblings, friends, and society to have children. Society has engraved into my brain that if I don't want kids, then I'm not a real woman. Writing this out sounds so ridiculous to me, but I know it's something that many people go through.

Here's the deal though. I want to be a mother. I have felt a strong calling from God for years to be a mother to all those who need one. I want to open up my home to people in need and just cook and listen to them. I want to help the broken people in this world, not bring another one into it. Not once have I had a calling to be a biological mother. And that is okay! I know girls want to be stay at home moms. And that is okay! There is absolutely nothing wrong with any option you choose.

Now I can't tell you how I'll feel about it when I'm married. I might look at this and laugh! But I can tell you right now that I have zero plans to start a family. And want to hear something groundbreaking? THIS IS OKAY.

This is my body. This is (me and my future husband's) decision. I have no reason to feel guilty for not having children.